So, I wanted to talk about how feedback a developer gives you as a freelancer is going to range from the exceptionally specific to the exceptionally general. I know when I give feedback, this is nearly always the case. And I thought an example would be helpful, but I don't feel comfortable sharing the feedback I've given to others. Instead, here's some feedback I got myself!

Back in 2013 / 2014, I wrote The Choking Tower, the third adventure in the Iron Gods Adventure Path. James Jacobs gave me my adventure feedback, and here it is in its entirety, from the email he sent me. This is very typical in that it mixes up very detailed points ("abbreviate pounds as lbs.") and very general points that I took under advisement for my writing career thereafter ("don't keep secrets from the GM," and "be aware of gender roles and work to balance them"). Some of these points have even evolved to become topics I've talked about in my blog! 

1) Make sure to include physical descriptions of all NPCs. We use these for art orders.

2) Don’t give swarms damage reduction if they’re immune to weapons anyway.

3) Watch out with gender roles. Example: The Rowdy Houses in Iadenveigh should not be “men” only. Likewise, aim for a 50/50 split in gender overall unless you’re writing something that is specifically dominated by one gender. Avoid defining female characters by how they relate to men or how eligible they are as brides.

4) Don’t keep secrets from the GM; when you introduce a mystery, make sure to spell everything out for the GM sooner than later.

5) When abbreviating pounds and the number is more than one, abbreviate it “lbs.” , not “lb.”

6) Avoid presenting interactions with NPCs as scripted readaloud text. It’s better to have interactions with NPCs be in the form of running text or likely questions/answers; this is more dynamic in play and encourages more roleplay.

7) Take care about making sure monsters have room to move around in their encounter areas. One or two achaierais fit into the room… but four in their lab is way too much. And the bulette was way too big to fit into the foundry.

8) Development always comes after Treasure in encounters.

9) Make sure dungeon ecologies make sense; remember, androids have to have food and water.

10) Secret tunnels need to connect; it feels like you forgot to include the tower-side ending of this tunnel

11) Don’t forget to tag your maps. The room numbers were missing from the majority of the locations in the Choking Tower, and there were some disconnects between the text and the dungeon.

12) Remember to cite sources when you use items and rules from non-core books

13) Use the serial comma in lists: this means you put a comma after each word in the list, including the one just before the word “and.”
Correct: This room has a tarrasque, a kaiju, and a titan.
Incorrect: This room has a tarrasque, a kaiju and a titan.

14) Avoid using the word “mage” as a generic spellcaster term. 

James Jacobs
Creative Director
Paizo Publishing, LLC